The Pit of Doom

As I have mentioned before, there are A LOT of ups and downs when it comes to waiting for a missionary. Yesterday was a down...just about a low as it gets. To be honest, I just about gave up completely. (Yep. I said it) Which is completely stupid now that I look back. I am still far from a high right now but I'm slowly but surely making my way back up there. 

I have come to find that it is really easy to stay discouraged unless you force yourself to get up and climb out of that pit of doom. 

It always seems to be the small things for me. Yesterday and most of this morning, I was still stuck in that pit of doom and I just couldn't seem to get myself out. But I also wasn't trying very hard. 

Today after 10 hours of work and feeling sorry for myself, I decided it was time to quit. I went to Target to get Idina Menzel's Christmas CD and while I was there, I decided to start getting things for Justin's Box of Sunshine. I was wandering around Target trying to find things to put in it and I just happened to come across some Gushers. I saw them and my mind immediately went to me and a few friends, including Justin, sitting in the choir room eating our lunches. Justin's mom made his lunch for him and without fail, there was a pack of Gushers in his soccer ball lunch box. He would often offer us all a gusher. The box just happened to be yellow so I grabbed one and was quite satisfied. Not to mention a little happier than the minute prior. 

Justin's investigator, Carolyn, messaged me while I was walking around Target and told me she had a couple things that Justin wanted her to ask me about. She asked me about the noises Justin and I made to each other because of Monsters University and our staring contest during The Fault in Our Stars. Story time! When Justin asked me to prom, I answered him by giving him a bucket full of candy and a stuffed toy Squishy from Monsters University. He had his "OK" sweater on so I gave that to Justin and said, "OK. I guess I'll go to prom with you." Well, turns out that little Squishy made noises but not when you squeezed him. He was motion sensored. And very very sensitive. It was actually quite amusing. It's really hard to describe the noises he made but Justin and I made them back and forth to each other up until he left. Well, Justin kept that little Squishy. One time I was at Justin's house with a couple friends watching a movie and before we started the movie Justin walked back into his bedroom. He came out and threw something at me and it roared (quite pathetically) at me. It was Squishy. :) Squishy made noises for the rest of the night. It was quite hilarious really. We watched a scary movie so every once in a while we would hear Squishy and just die of laughter. It was a good night. (That also happens to be the night of our first kiss but we can talk about that one later). Second story! Justin and I had a thing about going to movies. We went to The Fault in Our Stars once and I had already seen it so I warned him that there was a scene...you know exactly what I'm talking about. He responded saying, "That's fine. I'll just have to look somewhere else! :)" Well the scene came up and I told him this was it and he nearly yelled, "STARING CONTEST!" We were pretty much the only ones in the theater so we died laughing. The first staring contest didn't last long enough so we had another one. I totally won both times but he won't admit it. :)

(I just had to throw those in here)

Tonight, I was getting ready for bed and I was trying to decide which pajamas to wear and I found one of Justin's shirts that he gave to me. I have hardly worn this one so it still smelled like him. Needless to say, I am wearing it now. :) When he sent me this shirt and one other he said in his letter, "Every time you wear one of my shirts or my sweatshirt, think of it as a hug from me." Wearing his shirt to bed makes everything better. :)

Well, if you've made it this far, now I get to my reasoning of telling you all these things. Haha! Like I said before, it's the small things for me. These stories are the small things. It doesn't take much for me to remember why I call myself a missionary girlfriend. 

It's simply because I love him. 

It's scary though. I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in the next 20 months. I could find someone else. I could give up all together. I could continue waiting.

I just don't know. 

But for now, I plan on continuing my wait. It isn't going to be easy. I'm sure my friends are going to want to kill me by the end because I will have been an emotional wreck for 2 years BUT it can be easy if you want it to. 

All I have to do is remember all the AMAZING times we had together. 

And wear his shirts. :)

Goodnight everyone!

Love you all. :)