I miss him...and I'm happy about it.

These past few days have been the hardest I've experienced so far. 

I really really miss him. 

For the first time since about mid August, I actually left my house for something other than work or running to Walmart. Everything I've done the past few days makes me think of him and how much I wish I was doing those things with him.

Don't get me wrong, I've actually been quite happy these past few days compared to most but there has just been this lingering thought in the back of my mind. 

"I wish Justin was here with me."

And that can really put a damper on things. 

For example, I went to a movie tonight with a foreign exchange student we had live with us last year. (She came back to visit with her sister) and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted him there with me. 

But here's the thing. I'm actually quite glad I feel this way. Here's why. 

Justin and I were together for about two and a half months before he left and I still wasn't completely sold on our relationship. I didn't have very much experience with relationships so I was still trying to figure it all out. Then he left and I didn't think a ton of it. I spent our first month or so apart feeling like I should really miss him but I just didn't. It got to the point that I wasn't sure if waiting for him was worth either of our time. I spent quite a few days thinking, "I don't know if I should be doing this. I think I love him but I just don't know if this is right." Finally it got to the point that I couldn't sleep at night anymore. I couldn't stop thinking about whether or not we were doing the right thing. 

Finally, I got my stubborn, independent self to pray about it. 

I won't bore you with all the details but I still don't feel like I've gotten a clear answer. However, ever since the moment I ended that prayer, I've had the thought in my mind that it doesn't matter right now. I don't have to know if Justin is the one for me right now. We still have 22 months before we need to think about it. For now, all I need to do is support my best friend because he needs it. Whether he tells me he needs that support or not. What Justin is doing is a very hard thing. So many 18 year old guys go on missions around us that we almost become numb to what they're really doing. They are leaving their friends and families for TWO YEARS. Seven hundred and thirty days away from the ones they love. And they only get to talk to them about 108 times during that time period. That isn't very much. 

But I actually miss Justin now. In a matter of minutes, I went from not really missing him and thinking that I should tell him that I'm done, to really missing him. I began to miss his dorky jokes, his hairstyle that I kinda can't stand, and every little thing about him. 

"Why would you be happy about missing someone?" you may be asking and here's my answer:

Truly missing Justin has been a huge relief. I have always wanted things to work out between us but I just didn't know if it was right. But now, everything feels right. I miss the crap out of him but it feels so right to miss him. 

My point(s)? It's completely okay to miss someone. That means you care about them. And if you aren't feeling super sure about something, PRAY. Even if it's just a little decision that isn't super important and you aren't quite sure what way to go, just pray. Heavenly Father wants the absolute best for every single one of us. He cares about us. He misses us, just like we miss the ones we love that are away from us. He wants us to get back to him, and one of the very first steps we have to take to get there is making the right decisions. He will help us through every one of those decisions. 

Life is good.

So once upon a time I decided I wanted to go to a different college than I had always planned on going to. This college also happens to be the one that my missionary is NOT going to when he gets home. And I just told him today. 

This is an oddly accurate description of how I feel about all of this. 

BUT of course I have to wait a million and a half years to hear back from him about the whole situation. Well it's really only 6 days but that's a long stinking time.

I just want to know what he thinks about the whole situation. Knowing him, he'll be happy for me and support me no matter what I do but part of me thinks that he'll be upset that we're not going to the same college anymore. 

But I won't know for another million and a half years....

I feel like the following two gifs....

Getting absolutely nowhere. 

On the bright side, Justin got to Canada safely and he can finally email me!

It's kind of funny. You only talk to this one person once a week but if that once a week doesn't happen, well...

Especially the first time it happens.

But then you finally get an email and life is pretty much great.

Hey wanna hear a cute story?

Good.

Once upon a time I was singing 'Til There Was You from The Music Man for voice lessons and my teacher was trying to get me to show more emotion on my face while I was singing. 

I guess my face is just dead.

Anyway, the song is basically about seeing nothing worth while in the world until this one guy comes along. Then there are bells and birds and love and such. 

So my teacher got super excited all of a sudden and said, "I know what to do to help you. We're going to sing it through again but this time I want you to think about someone you kind of like or whatever. Think about how everything changed when they came around and how you could see good in the world with them around." At first I was like, "You're crazy." and then Justin popped into my head. Then I sang it and I crushed it. It was awesome. To be completely honest, that was one of the very first times I thought of Justin that way. 

Then a couple weeks later I had to sing that song for a workshop kind of thing and he was singing a solo there too so of course he was there while I was singing it and I just...ugh...

That was the moment I fell for Justin Matthew Sumsion.

But he kinda had a girlfriend and I was friendzoned...but look how it all turned out. :)

Life is good.

This post is all over the place. Sorry 'bout that. 

The Airport Call

OH MY GOSH! 

Hearing his voice is the best thing in the world. I never thought I could smile so much at 6:00 in the morning. But I guess that just goes to show how much this kid really means to me. 

SO. Here's the story. It was a roller coaster. Probably not really but it sure seemed like it that early in the morning. 

Last week, we were emailing back and forth on his P-day and he asked me if I wanted him to call me from the airport. Of course I said yes. He told me that he would be able to call me around 4:45 - 5:00. That's really really early. But last night I set my alarm for 4:40, ready to go. 

The sound of my alarm has never sounded so good. 

I waited for a while but by 5:30, I still hadn't gotten a call. He told me that he was going to call his parents around 6:00 so I knew that if I hadn't gotten a call by then, it probably wasn't going to happen. I continued to wait. Nothing. At 6:05, I lost hope and tried to go back to sleep. Nope...I felt terrible. I knew there was probably a good reason why he didn't call me but it still made me feel pretty bad. 

But then at 6:13, my phone started vibrating. I looked at my phone and it was an 801 number. 

Oh my gosh. I have never smiled so much in my life. Hearing his voice made every single problem in my life go away. He only had 5 minutes to talk but that was the best 5 minutes of my life. 

We actually talked for 7 minutes...Shhhhh

Basically this is how it went. :)

Me: Hello?

Justin: Ha! Hi!

blah blah blah blah

Justin: Hey Jenna. Guess what?

Me: What?

Justin: I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Justin: I'm glad you're not here to see me right now.
Me: Haha why?
Justin: I'm totally crying.

blah blah blah blah blah

Justin: If my parents will let you, I'm going to ask them to let you go over to my house when I Skype them on Christmas and stuff.

Justin: So I was talking to your cousin last night* and she said that if you ever Dear John me, she will have to send you a very strong worded email. 

Me: Hahahahahaha 

Justin: She reminds me so much of you. You two are so much alike. It was almost like having you there with me. But not really because no one compares to you. 

*My cousin was in the MTC with him. They were both french speaking. :)

blah blah blah blah

Justin: Alright well, I have to hang up. It was so good to hear your voice.

Me: Okay. Have a good flight. I love you.

Justin: I love you too. See you soon.

Me:

And this is me now.

Two years is a LONG time...

Somedays are better than others.

Today is an other.

I'm really fine but I just miss him. And I wonder if things will work out for us. I wonder if I can make it that long. I've always been pretty fickle so the fact that I've made it this long is pretty impressive...not really because it's only been a month and a half but still! That's pretty good for me. 

I just really miss him. 

Basically this is me trying (key word: trying) to pass the time.

And I super duper miss all of my friends so that doesn't help anything...

p.s. They all moved away from me and stuff.

BUT 

almost....

And you know what that means? It's almost Tuesday! And you know what THAT means? 

HE IS GOING TO CALL ME ON TUESDAY MORNING FROM THE AIRPORT!!!

But until then....

Peace Homies.

I can't stop.

 So this blog thing.

 I just can't stop.

This is literally me.

But this is fun so deal with it. :)

So I'm gonna tell you a little bit more about me. Because I'm the coolest.

Not really. 

Basically this is Justin...

And this is me...

I have never really gotten the whole relationship thing. It just hasn't ever made sense to me. I have always been a super independent person. Like, "Guurrrl, I don't need a guy there to make me happy!" 

But this kid makes me really really really happy.

Like.

Really happy.

Except for the times I forget how to be happy. BUT that's beside the point. 

I think this kid might be the one.

However, I'm not going to get too set on the idea because I have no idea how this is going to work out. I mean I really REALLY want this to work out but who knows. And that's okay.

I have never been so willing to completely give myself to a person. Not gonna lie, it scares the living daylights out of me. But like really, we've talked about marriage and kids and our future and it seems normal.

I literally can't imagine my life without him.

A few weeks ago, I got a letter from him and of course I'm super excited so I'm all happy and then he asked me what temple we should get married it and I just

But you know what? I am really liking the idea of being with this kid. 

Sometimes (and I really only mean sometimes) being apart from someone for a while is really good. It gives you time to decide how much you really want that person around. :)

Oh my gosh. On a completely different note, today my mom and a few family friends were talking about missionaries (one of them waited for a missionary and they got married) and my mom said, "I just love it when those kind of things work out." (my mom doesn't really know how serious I am about this whole Justin thing) and in my head I'm all "Guuurrrl, am I gonna make you happy."

That is all. :)

Happy Post!!!

So basically every day is a roller coaster. 

And sometimes (almost all the time) you just need something to make you happy.

So my friends, this is my

HAPPY POST!

Feel free to come back to this post anytime you just need to smile. :)

First, a few videos to make you smile. :)

This next one will seriously make you happy no matter what. It's that adorable.

There's always room for a good pep talk. 

Or two...

It doesn't matter what song you're listening to...Spiderman will ALWAYS dance to the beat.

I told you...

Happy happy post!!!

This will probably be updated over time, so keep checking in. :)