It has been almost a year since I last saw Justin. Being away from the one you love for that long does weird things to you. All these feelings you have are so hard to describe.
Tonight, I think I found a way to describe my most frequent feeling.
I was laying in my bed, and suddenly I felt it again. I had this sudden wave of missing him wash over me. I knew what it was as soon as I felt it. It comes out of nowhere and often takes a long time to get rid of. I knew it would be a while until I could get back to sleep. Every time this wave nearly drowns me, all I want is for Justin to be right there laying next to me. I want him to pull me in closer and hold me until I fall asleep.
It's a whole new level of lonely when you come to the realization that he's not there with you.
You feel empty.
But so so heavy.
How can something be so empty, yet so heavy?
You want to cry, but you just can't seem to let it out.
You get that terrible knot in your throat and no matter how many times or how hard you swallow, there's no getting rid of it.
Feeling this way makes me so much more tired, but I can't relax enough. If I could just let go, there's a good chance I'll see him in my dreams.
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